Buffalo Chicken Over Ranch Alfredo Cream Sauce Pasta

For the Chicken

Boneless, Skinless, Chicken Breasts (one per person)

Bottle of Buffalo Chicken Sauce

Several Cups of Vegetable or Peanut Oil

Packet of Ranch Dressing Mix Powder (half)

For the Pasta

Pasta - about one cup (dry) per person

1 pint Heavy Cream

½ Stick of unsalted butter (cut into small pieces)

8 oz. Velveeta (cut into small pieces)

2 cups shredded Asiago Cheese

Packet of Ranch Dressing Powder (other half)

Bottled Ranch Dressing

Milk

1. Start the Sauce First

If you need to defrost the chicken, now would be a good time.

In a large saucepan, combine half of the cream, half of the Asiago, all of the Velveeta, and all of the butter. Heat on LOW. Stir frequently.

The cheese and butter will start to melt after several minutes. As it does, stir in more cream and more cheese. This is a long, slow process (10-15 minutes). If you turn the heat up to speed things along, you'll burn the cheese.

Once the sauce is the right consistency (it should be a thick liquid, like Alfredo Sauce), stir in half of the Ranch Dressing Mix packet.

Turn the heat down to its LOWEST setting, and continue to stir throughout the rest of the cooking. If the sauce ever gets too thick, add a little milk.

Also, taste often. If you think it isn't "Ranchy" enough, add bottled Ranch Dressing. If it is too "Ranchy," add milk.

2. Cook the Chicken

Don't forget to keep coming back to stir the sauce.

Pour oil into a large, deep pan or pot. (I use a big wok. A stock-pot or deep-fryer is also perfect.) Heat on Med-Hi/Hi.

Cut the chicken into small, bite-sized pieces.

Dredge with Ranch Dressing Powder

Make sure the oil is hot enough: Drop a small piece of chicken in. If it immediately sizzles loudly, it is hot enough-you may proceed.

Dump the chicken into the oil (you may have to do this in two batches-use your judgement).

Stir the chicken in the oil to prevent clumping. (Don't forget to stir the sauce... and use a different spoon).

When the chicken is cooked (light golden, usually 2-5 minutes), remove from oil (tongs are great), and place on a plate covered with paper towels.

Turn your oven on 400.

3. Buffalo the Chicken

Now is a really good time to start your water boiling for pasta. That will give the chicken a chance to air out, and everything will be ready at the right time. Once that is going...

Cover a large baking/broiling pan with two layers of foil (unless you like washing dishes) and spray down with Pam.

Spread the chicken out in a single layer on the pan.

Cover with Buffalo Sauce.

Bake in oven until pasta is ready.

Stir the Sauce.

If the water is boiling, put the noodles in.

4. Pull it all together.

Now is a good time to have someone else set the table and make drinks. Also, give the sauce one last taste to make sure you like the Ranchiness level.

Drain the pasta. Return pasta to pot.

Pour sauce into pasta. There may be way too much sauce, so use your judgment. Extra sauce should be saved for another day.

Serve pasta onto plates.

Pull chicken out of oven.

Pull chicken out of sauce and place on top of pasta. Use a fork or tongs-don't scoop up the chicken, otherwise the dish will be overwhelmed by the excess buffalo sauce.

5. Enjoy

Notes:

• If you are serving more than three people, you might need an extra packet of Ranch Dressing Mix for the chicken.
• Any type of pasta will do. I usually use fettuccine, linguine, or farfalle.
• In case you didn't know, heavy cream is sometimes labeled "Heavy Whipping Cream." Same thing.
• If you can't find Asiago (or don't prefer it), Romano or Parmesan work as well. Parmesan (or its big brother, Parmegiano-Reggiano) has more tang, so you'll probably use less Ranch Dressing.
• Select a Buffalo sauce that is mostly Vinegar, Cayenne Pepper, Tomato Products, and other spices. If any form of Sugar, Corn Syrup, or Hydrogenated Oil shows up in the first five ingredients, it probably isn't what you are looking for.
• If you want a little more crunch for your trouble, try dipping the chicken in a beaten egg before dredging it, and dredge the chicken in a mixture of half cornstarch / half dressing mix. Cook slightly longer in the oil, and sprinkle with Coarse Kosher Sea Salt after removing from the oil. It WILL taste better, but I'm not sure it is worth all the extra mess.
• This recipe is clearly not good for you.
• I prefer the following specific brands:
  • Kraft Velveeta
  • Frank's Buffalo Sauce
  • Hidden Valley Ranch
  • Publix Store Brand Dairy Products (unless you aren't in the South, then...)
  • Land O' Lakes Butter
  • Gustafson Milk and Cream
  • Morton's Coarse Ground Kosher Salt